We went on the loveliest little hike walk today with some ladies in the next canyon over (about a 15 minute drive, for once!) and some rowdy little kids. It is never easy to corral 6 five-year-olds into one nice little hiking group, and it ended up that there was always at least one kid holding the group up, and at least one child running full speed ahead, and a few adults and children scattered in between trying to keep track of everything. Between that, and a small quarrel between the dogs that may have resulted in an injury to one of them we didn't get very far. It was expected though, and fully enjoyed by all. Hazel sat happily in the backpack, sucking water out of my camel pack and watching what was going on. Eventually her head bobbed a few times and then took its place, face smushed against my shoulder, and she slept. It's nice that there are women here like me, it's just taken me a while to find them.

Today my mom moved out. Out of her trailer which has been parked in our driveway for the past ten months, into a lovely little apartment in Old Town, Park City. Not far away, but certainly not right out my front door. I miss her already. I will never be able to thank her enough for the help she and her Joel have given to me this first year of motherhood. I will always cherish this time I spent getting to know her so much better than I ever did. I will always apologize for the sacrifices they have made to be here for me, and the amount of things I neglected while they were here because I knew I could, and someone else would pick up the slack. Quite honestly, I am sad, and a little bit worried. Worried about being up here alone so much more often. Worried about Hazel and I, without her. Worried about this home, taking care of it. Worried about resentment creeping into these spaces. Worried about old wishes and wants that I have left behind to live this life here in the mountains. This is what my soul is feeling today. There are good things too, I'm sure......for me and for her, about her having her own space, and me my own.....but right this minute those things don't seem important. Right now I want her to come back.

Making and Doing

 Hazel's Birthday Dress

My first ever collar

 Lacy little pockets

Last, but certainly not least (or easiest) a tiny sleeve for a tiny dress for a tiny birthday doll.

I must get back to work!

Pictures, Pictures!

Just phone pictures, nothing too exciting. 

My lil snowboarder

just hanging out in my room

Loving the park

Eating a leaf

getting ready for our bike ride

LET ME OUT!!

(I swear she actually likes it in there)

Micah boy, passed out after a long day at the zoo. Hazel was zonked out in the carseat next to him. If that happens every time we go to the zoo I could go every-day! this kid seriously makes me think I could handle having two kids.

Hazel wants to do EVERYTHING Micah does, and follows him everywhere.

I'm standing!

Hazel Fae is Turning ONE!!!

1. I Can: a growth chart book for girls.
2. Skidders Shoes, Size 6
3. Little Miss Jane Eyre, a board book for brilliant babies.
4. The . Sweetest . Summer . clothes . from Old Navy!
5. The Habe Wonder Walker
6. Plan Toys Punch and Drop

So yesterday Mike arrived home from work, and on his way down the driveway stopped at our meter to check if the water lines had thawed, just like he has every day since it began to warm up. Yesterday was different than all of the other days. Yesterday when he turned to knob water came trickling out. WATER! I have always wanted to be more conscious of my water usage, and  more careful. Little things like not washing what didn't need washing, not leaving the water on when I brush my teeth, and (you might think this icky) not always flushing the toilet when there was just a little pee in it. You know the saying, "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down"? Nevertheless, I wasn't very good at conserving water once I committed to it. But then this thing happened. We lost all our water. Our system froze up. After weeks of leaving water trickling, we froze up! So my smart, smart husband came up with a solution, and plumbed a 100 gallon water tank with a small electrical pump up to our house. All we had to do to have running water to bathe, wash dishes, and do laundry was keep that tank full of water. A cabin down the road still had water, and most of the cabins have a spigot outside, so we filled smaller jugs at this cabin, and hauled them to our house using the ATV (when I say we I actually mean Joel, Mike, and my mom, because Hazel and I didn't help once).  But between four adults and one baby, 100 gallons of water really isn't a whole lot, so we did a lot to keep our water usage down. We all took very short showers, that were few and far between. We kept our wash cycles to the bare minimum, which meant we've used disposable diapers for the last few months, instead of cloth. We only washed what we needed for the week, and we washed on "speed wash" which only takes 20-30 minutes, and uses a lot less water. We used a lot of paper cups, plates, and utensils all the while the guilt and images of the amount of trash we were contributing to landfills flashing through my head. We flushed the toilet quite a bit less than usual, and in order not to clog up the toilet, deposited a lot of the waste-paper into a trash bin next to the toilet. I found myself being very cautious of how I washed my hands, did dishes, and brushed my teeth. I would say on average, between the five of us, we filled the tank every other day. That's ten gallons of water per-person per-day. This doesn't count drinking water, but does count water for tea, coffee, and cooking since it was boiled. Now that we have our water back I could go back to my old habits. I will definitely be less cautious, but many of these habits have become second-nature, and I hope they stay that way. If anything this was a great lesson into how much we depend on running water, and how difficult life would be without it. It has also made me think a bit more about what we would really need to be prepared for an emergency, the amount of water we should have on hand, and how we would limit our usage even more. And you know, as crazy as it sounds to live in the mountains, where we can't drive to our home in the wintertime, and snowmobile or hike instead, and to manage half a winter without water, I still really really enjoy living up here. All of that stuff has proven to be easier than I thought it would be, and contributed to me living a more peaceful, conscious lifestyle. That said, boy am I glad to have water back. It is so nice to turn on a faucet and not have this constant worry hanging over you about running out of water. And the celebratory bath I took tonight? The best part.

Before I had a baby I would see mothers and pregnant women, and I would imagine all of the lovely, wonderful things about motherhood. I didn't think about the not-so-lovely, not-so-wonderful things experiences these women were going through, or were about to go through, because lets face it. I had no idea. It is funny how differently I feel about pregnant women. Instead of just thinking they are excited I realize they are probably worried, scared, emotional, and unprepared (because lets face it, no matter how prepared you were....you weren't prepared). When I see a mother carting around a few kids I wonder at the fact that she and her children are dressed, and out of the house. I sympathize when I hear the stress in her voice. I know that she is putting on a show, and that she is probably struggling at times, because we all are. My perspective has changed so so much, and yet I realize that it doesn't matter what you say, or how you try to explain motherhood, it just doesn't make sense until you are there. It doesn't make sense that it can be so wonderful and lovely, and yet at the same time so isolating and stressful. It doesn't make sense that this baby that you wanted for so so long is the thing that you need desperately to be away from at times. Even when you are there, and you are feeling these things you are constantly wondering whether you should be feeling them, or whether something is wrong with you. And it doesn't make sense that all it takes to wash all of your troubles away is the giggles, and the cuddles, and the love of your child.

Hazel is STANDING!

Around last Easter a dear friend, our midwife passed away in a car wreck. This year Mike's uncle Asher died Friday night, after a few months of struggling in his old age. I don't really have much more to say about it than it is an interesting time of year to reflect upon death. I haven't had many experiences in my life with death, but I know that I will. I will witness many of the people I love, who I have known my entire life, leaving this world. I dread it. It scares me all the time. I know that you never really know who you will and wont outlive, but if things go as planned and I live into my old age I have a pretty good Idea of who I will be saying goodbye to. I also know who I plan on outliving, and the idea that many many people outlive their own children terrifies me. Rocks me to my core. I didn't mean to delve into such a deep or sad or dramatic subject, but it is what I was thinking about today.

A Weeks Worth of Rambling

As soon as I fully committed to continue posting here regularly I lost all motivation. Such is the life. I should never commit to anything, and then I would never lose my motivation, and I would keep on making and doing. Well, also the lack of activities = lack of pictures, or much to talk about. It has been a slow week. I did go for a really great bike ride, the first one of the season really. I put Hazel in the bike trailer, and we rode all the way from home to Kens Kash. I wanted to see how the ride was, since i hope to be riding to work on occasion. Considering it is almost entirely downhill, it was a piece of cake. We were in  hurry to get somewhere afterwards, so my mom picked us up, and I voided the long haul back up the canyon. I really wasn't sore the next day, which is a huge sign that I need to commit (not that word again) to riding back home, and not having Mike pick me up after work. perhaps he can meet me at kens on his bike with Hazel in the trailer, and we can ride home together. Somehow I feel that if I were to do it alone, I would do better though. When there is someone to complain to I complain. When their isn't I feel empowered, like "Hell yeah, I'm doing this, I don't need anyone's help!" It's funny trying to understand myself and my habits.

This week my mom and Mike moved my washer and dryer from it's inconvenient location upstairs, to the basement where our bedroom, and our large closet are located. The closet is really a small room, so the appliances fit well. Hopefully this will mean less work. Less piles of dirty accruing near the ladder, needing to be taken upstairs, and less clean accruing on the couch, needing to be taken down. Only if I keep up on it which I am not committing to, because as I stated earlier, I should probably never commit.

Last but not least I set up a website for Kens Kash. I thought some online marketing couldn't hurt, and was alarmed by the fact that the business was hardly showing up on google searches. It's nothing special, and still needs a lot of work. I basically threw it together in a few hours. Now I'm trying to get his multiple facebook pages pared down to one, and get his twitter feed going so he can advertise specials and sales. Hopefully it will bring in some of the locals that wouldn't normally stop in. I know I would stop by on the way home for a good deal now and then. I also want to make his business very search engine friendly so he is easy to find when someones looking on their phones for a quick place to stop. Larry (the owner) seemed pretty stoked about it all. I mean I really don't know what I'm doing, and he could probably pay someone to do a better job than me, but he isn't going t,o so something is better than nothing I suppose. I plan on taking some better photos of the store to use on the website, and adding more content. Here it is, go take a look Kens Kash. I start there cashiering next week, and I am really excited. In the past I might have been pretty negative towards a job cashiering in a small store, but it I have been a brat in the past about jobs I would and wouldn't apply for. This job is exactly what I was looking for. It is the closest job to our house I could have possibly gotten, meaning I can ride my bike and the scooter, and the hours are perfect. Weekends, and evenings. Mike can be with Hazel 100% of the time I am gone, and I am going to be honest and say that I really need the time away from her. I have been with her practically 24/7 for her entire first year of life, and it is time for me to have a little bit of adult-interaction sans Hazel. It will be adjustment for both of us, and I think Mike will understand just a little bit better what my day-to-day is like at home. Hopefully he will be able to accomplish more at the house than I do. I also think that It will help me meet and get to know people in the community and that is something I am desperate for. I have been fostering some really great relationships lately, but I can never have too many friends, and I feel like I could use a few more up in my neck of the woods.

Well, here is a photo-less post. I'll try to dust the camera off, and use it a bit this week.