My Dear Hazel

Before I had a baby I would see mothers and pregnant women, and I would imagine all of the lovely, wonderful things about motherhood. I didn't think about the not-so-lovely, not-so-wonderful things experiences these women were going through, or were about to go through, because lets face it. I had no idea. It is funny how differently I feel about pregnant women. Instead of just thinking they are excited I realize they are probably worried, scared, emotional, and unprepared (because lets face it, no matter how prepared you were....you weren't prepared). When I see a mother carting around a few kids I wonder at the fact that she and her children are dressed, and out of the house. I sympathize when I hear the stress in her voice. I know that she is putting on a show, and that she is probably struggling at times, because we all are. My perspective has changed so so much, and yet I realize that it doesn't matter what you say, or how you try to explain motherhood, it just doesn't make sense until you are there. It doesn't make sense that it can be so wonderful and lovely, and yet at the same time so isolating and stressful. It doesn't make sense that this baby that you wanted for so so long is the thing that you need desperately to be away from at times. Even when you are there, and you are feeling these things you are constantly wondering whether you should be feeling them, or whether something is wrong with you. And it doesn't make sense that all it takes to wash all of your troubles away is the giggles, and the cuddles, and the love of your child.