Wednesday, November 10, 2010

An old friend

With my progressing pregnancy, and impending birth of my first child, I've been thinking a lot about the kinds of activities we will be doing as a family, and It has had me thinking of an old friend. This friend and I were very close, although she was a bit older than me, and for a while it was unusual if I went two days without doing some sort of fun activity with her and her daughter and husband. We went to Thanksgiving Point, Gardener Village, the State Fair,  Peach Days, the pumpkin patch, the pool, the Rodeo, and spent weekends at their cabin. They were there for me when I crashed my car, or needed a place to stay. They tried their best to keep me out of trouble, and we told each other everything. We were best friends. We carved pumpkins, made gingerbread houses, went trick or treating together, and even went on vacations together. She always knew when and where the fun activities were, and when there was nothing to do, we fell back on the movies. For about a year and a half i saw EVERY movie that came out. We went to midnight showings of big titles, and dressed up for them. I loved them like family, they treated me like family, and they trusted me with everything. Their dogs, their daughter, and their house, which is why everything fell apart. Turns out I was a wild crazy teenager and all I wanted to do was party, and I used their house to do it in when they left town.

BAD IDEA, and a great way to lose friends. I learned this lesson the hard way, and it's probably the biggest lesson I've ever learned. Never take advantage of someone's trust.

Now, I'm married, and having a baby, and remembering all the fun we had together back then. Wishing I had someone to do these kinds of activities with now. Wishing I had someone to go shopping for maternity clothes with, and someone who I could talk to about all of the things I'm going through. NO offense to anyone, but my childless, single friends just aren't the same. I want someone who can relate to me, and what I'm going through right now. Someone to talk about names with, and make lists of things I'll need. I'm not saying I don't have great friends now, I do, but I don't think anyone will ever take their place.
I've tried to get over it, forget about them, and accept the fact that we are no longer friends, and I'll keep trying, but to me it doesn't feel like I lost a few friends, It's more like I lost part of my family. I pretended for a long time that it wasn't a big deal, but it was, and still is to me. There are just to many memories to just forget about, and too many feelings that the memories stir up.

It sounds like a sob story, yeah. It feels worse than the worst break-up I've ever had. Stupid thing to compare it to, I know. Don't worry, I'm not in some deep dark depression over it or anything, and everything else in my life is really great right now. Like I said, with all of the recent happenings in my life I just haven't been able to get them off of my mind.

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