Giving Thanks

A husband who works hard all day, only to come home to a messy house, and make me dinner. AND do the dishes.

A friend who lives just a canyon over, a few miles away, instead of an hour away. 

A Mom who lives right outside my front door (for the winter) and spends her days off working on MY projects around MY house and for MY baby, instead of all the many projects she needs to complete. she keeps me sane.

Siblings. I can't imagine not having grown up with them, and each of them are so special to me.

A dad who is always there to talk to, who drives an hour just to visit me, and bring me lunch.

And a little girl, to whom my mistakes and shortcomings mean nothing. Who at the end of the day wants nothing more that to cuddle up with me and fall to sleep.

More phone photos + new shoes!!!

 pretty sure my baby owns the most badass pair of little hand made mukluks on the planet.

yeah.

This Man of Mine

He lives for big mountains and black dogs. Old motorbikes, and his girls

.

His hands are always dirty. He works hard.

His favorite clothes are of good quality and have fulfilled their purpose. His old wool sweater with holes in it, which I attempted more than once to carelessly discard.

His many pairs of carharts that I advise him to trade in for GAP jeans when we go out to dinner. 

He is older and wiser, though I forget and deny it.

I am finally beginning to understand. Grasping who he is.

He is authentic. He is not the boys I have spent my life chasing after.

 This husband I love, and this place he has built for us. I haven't given the respect or appreciation that is deserved.

I am learning.

 photos via:
http://awelltraveledwoman.tumblr.com
http://youngmanandoldsoul.tumblr.com/
http://ohpioneer.com/

luvin

Confessions...

*I don't wear necklaces. EVER.
*I have the worst dandruff known to mankind. Sometimes. Only in the winter, but I have tried EVERYTHING.
*I will probably never stop biting my nails.
*I don't own much jewelery.
*I like 80's stuff.....a lot, even though I'm not generally bold enough to wear it.
*I wish I could dress fancy, but I don't ever have a reason to.
*I have no Idea what it means when people put this # in front of what they type.....
*I feel like I never have anything clever or witty to say.
*I haven't REALLY exercised since I had a baby.....or since way before that. I mean, I've walked, and Hiked, swam a little here and there, but worked up a real sweat? Yeah folks, it's been like a year. Or so.
*Today I REALLY, REALLY laughed. Like when are having a sleep over you can't stop and you almost pee your pants and you have to sit on the ground so you don't. Over nothing.
It. Felt. So. Good. (Thanks, mom)
*I feel great about my body. Really, really great.
*Hazel is still wearing the clothes I put on her before bedtime yesterday.
*I REALLY miss people.
* Sad movies, even GREAT sad movies, they ruin my day......sometimes week.
* I'm searching for something, someone, somewhere
*I'm not a fan of shirts with words on them.
*I haven't left Hazel with anyone for more than ninety minutes ever, the whole six months she has been alive. Once my mom took her on like a ninety minute walk. Once I took a placement exam and she stayed in the car with mike. Once I left her at my dads for like twenty minutes. She's never even touched a bottle.....I just haven't felt the need. Also, I have never even tried to have her sleep in her own bed. She's just always been right here next to me. Every night. And we sleep like babies.
*I'm always worried about missing out on something. I always want to be out doing something fun all the time, but I hardly ever am.
*I am the epitome of disorganization.

Lazy Day

It's been a lazy, snuggly, sleepy, constant nursing kind of day 'round here. I love it.

she does this thing when she's hungry

where she opens her mouth wide

sticks her tongue out ALL the way

and waits for it.

KILLS ME.

cleaned out some phone photos
for your enjoyment:

DAYS old.

so tiny.

  

Little Buds.

he calls her baby kazel

or dazel

he's not quite getting the H sound.

he says she's gonna get big soon, so they can play:)

SO we finally got this sattelite internet called wild blue. over 10 more gigabytes of data a month, for the same price and MUCH better service than the lame T-mobile airvcard we have been using. Got it all hooked up, and it was super slow-the guy said it was definitely not the internet, so we went to best buy to get our computer checked out. $200.00, and 2 days later, we still don't have our computer (I'm using my mom's netbook). UGH.

The thing I dislike the most abuout all of this is the realization of my dependance on being connected - and my unwilingness to ever give that up. I can go without tv, I actually think my life is much much better without it, but Internet? NO WAY.

On to better things. Bread baking is a lot harder than I thought it would be-or I uess i just expect bread to taste a whole lot better than it does. People claim that they save money by baking their own bread, but im not seeing that....I'll keep on keeping on though.

I'm learning to knit.....soon. Im pretty eager to dive right in, because I saw the most bad-ass socks at my friend Ariel's house, which her mother had knitted for her. I WANT THOSE SOCKS!!! But, apparently thats some pretty advanced stuff right there, so I am starting with a hat instead. My friend Jill is pretty badass at knitting, and she's gonna teach me. She lives in Samak, and has to rad little boys. We have playdates every tuesday. Have I mentioned how nice it is to have a few friends in my neighborhood. I've still gotta buy the supplies though. Everything costs so much money! hah, you'd think it would be cheaper to make your own socks, sew your own dress, and bake your own bread.....I guess eventually it might be, but the learning process, getting to the point where you're good at all of these things....Seems expensive. Maybe it's all of the wasted materials, when you mess up (yeah, I admit I mess up).

Hazel's getting big. Giggly. Well, she also has two little teeth on the bottom which mean that sometimes she's NOT so giggly- or in other words she has been crying a bit more lately. Like I said before. it seems the more she laughs, the more she cries. Give and take. I Love her anyway.

No pictures (due to the lack of computer) BUT I've been meaning to post about Halloween. Definitely my favorite Holiday! Maybe by Thanksgiving.

Dreaming....

THIS Wee one.

Curled up tight.

Snuggled on my lap.

Nursing. Nuzzling. Sleeping. Cuddling.

My favorite time of daymy life.

These little whisps of hair are growing longer.

Her little voice grows louder.

Her face, rounder. more expressive.

Her movements, more deliberate.

Her eyes, more curious.

I imagine her a year from now

curled up on the same mama-lap.

Different.

Tiny curls, and skinned knees, and long, toddler legs.

Yearning for understanding.

yet, same.

same eyes. same soul.

We'll be sittin in this same loft, late late at night.

and she will be

Nursing. Nuzzling. Sleeping. Cuddling.

Slow down

Load of pictures....and MORE of my crazy ideas.

I've been a little more than absent on here lately. I don't really have a reason.

Here are some pictures to make up for it:

When did my baby get big enough to sit in that high chair? I don't know how many times I will say this, but KIDS GROW TOO FAST.

Also- how did I happen to get THE cutest baby in the world?

I have been thinking a lot lately about the fact that soon enough, this little girl is gonna watch every tiny thing I do-and want to do it too. There are so many thing I do that I don't want to pass on to her. One of them is how often I use the Internet and computer. I really don't believe that this sort of technology will help kids in any way shape or form. I think it easy easy to use, and easy to learn-so they can learn it later in life. I need to get away from it, so that I can focus more on the natural things around us, and use them to teach her.

Phones too- Hazel isn't going to be one of those five-year-olds with a cell phone.

And I am going to home school her. NO, her social life wont suffer. I think that my education was extremely overshadowed by my Oh-So-Important Social Life. The things kids are exposed to in school, and the quality of the schools themselves have only gone down hill since I was in school. Standardized testing in Kindergarten, let alone the first-sixth grade is heinous- and I think that the one-size fits all method of teaching in school is equally outrageous. In fact, I think that school is made boring, and if you want a kind to learn the best thing to do is keep them interested.

A healthy social life is not fostered in a school. There are many more productive social settings, that don't distract from learning, or the things that are most important. If she has plenty of time to find herself- unhindered by the overwhelming peer and media influences found in elementary, and junior High. then by the time she is subjected to them she will already know WHO she is, and what she stands for. She will be able to observe those things, and form her very own opinions about them. Not my opinion. Not the cheerleader's opinion. Her very own, unfaltering, confident opinions. That is what I hope for her.

We want to give her the BEST role models a kid could have. A firefighting grandpa who is always there to serve. A do-it-all grandma who doesn't let her gender hold her back from fixing cars, building houses, and climbing mountains. Strong women who work hard, and play hard, and know what is important. People with real skills- knitting, to make your own clothes. Gardening, to grown your own food. We want her to learn far more that Math, English, Science, and History. We want her to learn carpentry, music, beekeeping, photography. We want her to learn that life and learning can be fun and exciting. Instead of reading about Native American rituals and traditions in books, we can GO and EXPERIENCE them in real life. We want to give her real life tools to do real life things, instead of sending her through school and telling her she can "do ANYTHING" only to have her graduate and realize she has no real skills. That getting an A on a math test probably wont get you a career that you love. (unless of course you love teaching kids to pass math tests)

I know I think a lot of things- and I feel very strongly about them. We are doing things differently here in the Everett household-and different is okay.

Her Only

I really dislike how I am the ONLY person that is able to calm Hazel down. The only person she wants when she is sad. After an entire day of waiting for Mike to get home, and take the baby off of my hands for a moment......She just wants me.

But I reallyLOVE how I am the ONE person she wants. No one else. I LOVE how I can pick her up when she is crying and she just stops. And cuddles me. How she stares at me when I hand her to other people. How I can make her giggle so much more than anyone else. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it... quite a bit more than I don't. I am her world. I wont always be.

She is starting to hold me back. To cling. And my heart just keeps growing....