People are cheap. They are lazy. They want too much for too little, and they dont want to work hard for any of it. I am one of those people. I wrote a really long and depressing post , and then I deleted it, to spare everyone. This jist of it was this: I suck at life. I'm selfish. I give up on everything long before it is finished. I make excuses. I don't want to make the effort. I just want the reward.

The end

I haven't blogged in forever. Worse, this blog will contain no photos.

A few things:

-Today was Fathers Day. I love all the dads in my life. A TON!

-When we were at PC Silly market the most horribly inappropriate, vulgar, disgusting song ever came on over the PA. I expected they would hurry and change it. They didn't. We left. Then I wrote them a nasty email. Really though, it is a family function.

-I met a little girl named Mabel. SO CUTE. I have also met a baby Lois recently, which is my grandmother's name. I love these old fashioned names. Our list (which is talked about constantly, although we don't plan on being pregnant anytime soon) contains the names Gwen, Rosemary, Agnes, and Gertrude. Our list of boy names is empty.

-Hazel had an awful night. Then she had an awful day. She just nursed, and nursed, and nursed, and slept, and slept and slept, and cried a ton. I was frustrated, because I couldn't get anything done.Then I noticed her gums swelling around where her lower molars should be. Poor thing.

-The zoo is far more exhausting when it is crowded.

-I have a ton of sewing to do. I'm not ever agreeing to sew things for other people again, even if they are paying me. I can sew something so quickly if it is for myself, or I want to do it, but as soon as there is something in the queue that I don't want to do I avoid that machine like the plague. ugh.

-I bought white shorts. I have to wash them between every wear. I don't do that. I try to wear my clothes a few times before I wash them. It's bugging me. I am considering dyeing them a different color. Coral maybe.

-I bought a shirt from the thrift for two dollars. It is sort of a dark coral, with white polka dots. It's like many of the tops I have seen at modcloth and ruche, a button up with a collar. It was big, and had no contouring, so I took in the side seams, and added darts in the back. I love it. Also, I am proud of myself, and I feel like this opens up a new world in clothes shopping for me. As I begin to understand tailoring, and garment sewing more, I can buy cheap, large things from the thrift store and make rad clothes out of them.

-I bought mint skinny jeans 4 years ago from Pac Sun when I was working at the ski resort. I don't know why. Then I cut them into shorts, because I never wore them. Now, although I have cute mint shorts, I wish I hadn't done it. I really want mint jeans.

That is all

How Pinterest Saved My Fashion Sense....I Think.

I am a horrible shopper.

I love shopping. Or at least I did before it entailed toting around a screaming, wiggling, uninterested baby, who has absolutely no valuable advice on what looks good and what doesn't.

I Absolutely love new clothes. However, I have never, ever, ever been able to put together the perfect ensemble. I have never had a piece of clothing that was versatile, and worked with many of my other pieces. Sometime I would think I had a good thing going, and then I would see a picture of myself and think "Why didn't anyone tell me I looked ridiculous!". I have become more and more frustrated with my failure of a wardrobe.

When Mike agreed that I needed new clothes, and said we could put some money aside for it this month, I decided I needed a plan.

No more buying things on a whim.

I needed to find specific clothes that all worked together, and that I could create multiple outfits from. Naturally, I started with pinterest. I looked and looked through my boards, and my friends boards, and then when I decided on an item I searched pinterest for the item, and collected all of the different ways of styling that particular item. Then I looked for common items, and items that would work well between my chosen pieces. Then I made a visual shopping list with pictures of all of the items.

So, I went shopping. First on the list? Green skinny jeans. You would not believe how long it took me to find those! But when I did, they were only $15.00, from Aeropostale (a place I NEVER shop at), SERIOUSLY, $15.00! So, I got my black skinnies, green skinnies, hot pink skinnies, pastel yellow skinnies, and a pair of white shorts, A lace top, a striped tank, a color-blocked top, a gingham button down, a chambray button down, and a polka-dot top. I got leopard flats, cobalt flats, a cute hat, a few bracelets. I painted my nails, bought lipstick that isn't close to my natural lip-color (which is basically a first) and learned a little more about make-up. The best thing is, all of my tops could potentially be worn with all of my bottoms. Most of the items aren't things I am worried about going out of fashion anytime soon. Items I hope to be able to wear for a long time.

Afterwards I came home I looked at the clothing I have been hanging onto, and while some of it is cute, and some will work with my new clothes, I was ready to get rid of so much of it. A few Items I realized would be wearable if I put my sewing skills to use, and turned them into better-fitting, clothing. Old jeans that do nothing for my figure were turned into skinnies, some tops were taken in. I am feeling much much better about my clothes now. I have wasted a lot of time and money shopping for things that don't work at all with the things already in my closet. Then, when I found something that did work I would wear it and wear it until it bit the dust.

After all of this, I read this awesome series on Kendi Everyday about having a working closet, which EVERYONE should read. It basically cemented what I learned from this experience. I will hold myself to MUCH higher standards about what I will or wont buy. Her rule about making sure a piece could create at least 5 outfits is perfect. Having a plan, shopping around, keeping things organized, and shopping your own closet are all things that I have never really done before. Now I have a list of things that my closet needs, and things that I want. for example I need a pair of strappy tan heels. They will go with everything I bought, a ton of stuff I already have, and are very versatile. I want another pair of shorts, but I already have enough to get me through the summer, albeit, a little less fashionably. I need a coral necklace, because you can't wear turquoise with everything. I want more rings, but I have plenty of those. I need a pencil skirt because I don't own a single one. I want a sheer green top, but It wouldn't work well with my green skinnies, so It didn't make the need list. If I can get all of the items on my need list, then I can consider buying some of my wants, IF it is in the monthly budget (which it isn't because I blew a ton of money on these clothes).

So anyways, I think I did a good job, and learned a lot. I only wish I had accessorized a little, because my closet is seriously lacking in that area. Does anyone else put this much planning into shopping, and creating a working wardrobe?

ONE YEAR

A Few Thank Yous

Thank you to the woman in TJ Maxx who helped me pick up the contents of my purse when Hazel dumped it out. Thank you to the cashier who put the scattered contents of my wallet, my phone, and my keys in the shopping bag while I struggled with my screaming child. Thank you to the person who ripped a (easily repairable) hole in the perfect pair of black skinny jeans that I couldn't afford, so that I could get them for 15 dollars. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to whoever designed the extremely flattering swimsuit that I have been searching for, and then only priced it at $35. Thank you to Hazel for reminding me that by having a child I agreed to put that child's needs above my own, and reminding me that that means NOT being on a shopping outing during nap-time. Thank you to Mike for letting me vent.Thank you to Hazel for sleeping the whole way home, and being delightful upon waking up. Thank you to whoever in the universe granted me the patience not to have a mental breakdown in public. Thank you to ANYONE who will take Hazel for an hour next time I want to go shopping. ANYONE?

When Hazel was brand-new I dreaded the passing of time. I cried when she was 3 days old, realizing that I would never have a 3-day-old Hazel again (hormones, anyone?). The moment she was born everything changed. Life became more fragile. I wanted to stay in the moment I was in, basking in the blissful newborn-ness of this perfect little being. Now, a year later, I wish I could stop time again, and just be. This baby is turning into a little girl, a playful, talkative, cuddly, mischievous little girl. She is my life and my joy. Everything she does is magic. As she lays cuddled up next to me now, her feet that used to come to the bottom of my belly now stretch all the way down to my knees. Her little hand is closed around my shirt. She is fast asleep, and I know that my chances of sneaking away from her are slim. And that's okay. I will just lay here and bask in this one-year-old-ness. These chubby little arms, her rosy little cheeks, and her fuzzy hair. All of these things, they will not always be, and although I mourn the loss of each little moment with her, I am learning that it only gets better from here. Even when I cannot imagine how it could be better, this girl surprises me with a new word, a new discovery, a new achievement. With a hug, or a kiss, or a high five, or a pee pee in the potty. With a car ride where she spends her time turning the pages of a book, instead of screaming at the top of her lungs. How I catch her waving hello to strangers when I am not looking, even though she refuses to do it when I ask her to. When she wakes me in the morning by tapping on my shoulder. How she seems to just know how to do girly things, like how to brush her hair, or put on a necklace, talk on the phone, and carry a purse over her shoulder, things I haven't taught her. And her smile. How I love this little girl's smile, and how her laughter lights the whole world. At times I can't believe it has already been a year, and at other times I don't remember life without her. Happy Birthday little one!

 My baby turned into a KID! I'm really not sure when that happened. These days she will play and play, so long as I m nearby. She learns so much by observing us, and she is always surprising us with little things she knows and understands. Here she is wearing her necklace. I don't wear necklaces, and we have never shown her how to put a necklace on, but she just knows. She likes to put purses over her shoulder, and try to walk as well, which is really quite adorable.

This girl loves to cuddle, but on her terms. She will cuddle you, but if you want to give her  good squeeze, forget it!

I stayed up all night last night crafting. This is the disaster that happens when I craft. Seriously.

 But I finished a few dolls, and started another. A friend is buying this lady to give away at a baby shower. She is the Fifth doll I have made.

 And here is Hazel's Birthday doll my third dolly). I couldn't wait until her birthday to give it to her though, and it is already a very well loved doll. She is nice and dirty, and goes everywhere with us. Hazel loves to chew on her felt hair...

 Hazel's dress, Finally Hemmed up:

 This will be doll six, and after a very frustrating day of working on her, I will have to pick apart her side seams because I didn't quite catch her arms and sleeves completely. when I finish her, i think I may finally list her in an etsy shop. She is the first doll I have made that isn't spoken for.

 and here, doll 4, the lumberjack. Still not perfect, but getting there. I am loving his full face beard though, that's a design that is definitely here to stay. I'm thinking though, that his suspenders shouldn't match his pants? Perhaps red, or black suspenders would be better

Anyways, after a long night of crafting, a long sleepy day, in which I bonked my head very, very hard, and then a VERY late evening tidying up, it is definitely time for me to get some sleep. Goodnight!

Up late, cutting out dolls. Lots and lots of dolls. Hazel sleeps well when I am with her, but when I am not, she wakes every few hours, ( I don't mind this because I generally sleep with her, and we both sleep so well that way) so here I am at 3 in the morning, nursing her to sleep so that I can get back to doll-cutting. Her Birthday dolly turned out smaller than the dolls I have made previously. The reason is that I started with the doll dress, and when I finished that it was tiny, so I made Hazel a tiny version of the doll I had made before that would fit into the tiny dress O had made, and I quite liked the size of it. Now I am making some tiny-sized lumberjack dolls with full beards, and they have little carhart style pants on with a hammer-loop! I'm usually a fast sewer, which means I forget about the little details, and am not careful about my seam allowances, and straight lines. I am slowing down with these dolls. I want them to be good. Like Hazel's Birthday dress. That little dress is my masterpiece. I went slow. I followed the steps. I kept my seam allowance, and sewed good lines. I even Ironed it once.....Anyways, the point is, the dolls, they will be good.

I have  feeling that there will be a lot of new developments in the next few weeks. Hazel is really starting to "get" things. She has said "uh-oh" for some time now, but only recently has she understood that you say it when you drop something, and not every time she drops something you hear "uh-oh". One day I noticed her throwing things. I thought this was just something she figured out on her own, but mike informed me he has been teaching her to play catch. She can give Hi-fives and kisses. She has started throwing some pretty outrageous tantrums:. Observe:

 

She has been standing for about two weeks, but she refused to take steps while you held her hand. she just wasn't interested. She is beginning to develop her little personality, and it is very apparent that she doesn't want any help from anyone with anything. she wants to do her way, and on her own, so as soon as you try to help her walk she is over it. Today though, she began to take steps all on her own. she'd take a few and then tumble onto her bum. She got up to five! FIVE whole steps! I have always thought it looked pretty surreal to see tiny babies walking. It is even more surreal to see my own baby doing it. She is pretty determined, and she worked on walking all evening, so I am betting it wont be long before she is running around. Part of me is excited, and part of me is dreading it. That's just how motherhood goes I guess.

Last but not least, I have introduced her to the potty. I figured it is never too early. I have been talking to her a lot more about using the potty, and when I change her I sit her on it. I try to give her naked time, and pay enough attention to stick her on the potty before she goes, but it hasn't been working too well. She is definitely interested in the potty, but just not in going potty IN it. she likes to put her toys in it actually, and I think she thinks I am playing a game when I put her on it, but that's okay. I have gotten her to pee in it once or twice, but poop is easier because she does this little yoga pose when she s pooping, so I am  lot more aware of when she does that, and i am able to get her to the potty beforehand. I will keep doing it, and she will get it soon enough. 

In the Montessori book I have it talks about children's "sensitive periods". There are certain orders of development, and times when they are sensitive to certain things are the best time to teach them. for example when they become interested in something it will often manifest as them making messes or getting into mischief, when really they are trying to learn and accomplish something, and help you. When they begin tossing things in and out of cupboards in the kitchen it is because they want to help you put things away. They are mimicking you. When they learn to take their clothing off it is a good time to teach them to put them on by themselves. If they begin playing in the potty, it is because they are interested in it, and it is  good time to begin teaching them. On average this potty sensitivity occurs between 12 and 15 months. They are generally very susceptible to potty training at this time, and it takes much less work than teaching a combative 3 or 4 year old. It is surprising to a lot of people, but I think that most just aren't aware of what small children are capable of, and are enabling them. Montessori is all about independence, and your job as  parent is to teach the child to do things themselves. A Montessori 15 month old is usually capable of dressing himself, putting away small dishes in a drawer or cupboard near them, being potty-trained, putting away their toys. It's all about simplicity really. Simple clothing with velcro fasteners at first, places where things always go, and few toys are key. Another important part is being an example of exactly what the child will be doing. If you want them to carry their plate with both hands, you ALWAYS have to carry your plate with both hands. I need to remember this! I am behind where I would like to be with this. Hazel is right on track, but I am behind. behind with my organization and keeping a daily rhythm for hazel. 

I went on a bit of a tangent there at the end about montessori, oops. Here is my favorite source for Montessori in the home: How We Montessori

I have seriously read through this entire blog about 3 different times, and am amazed at what this kids are capable of at such an early age, and it is because of the Montessori method.

On a peaceful cup of tea, and always wishing for what isn't

I think of a time when I could wake up on my own, brew a cup of tea, sit at my window and enjoy the silence. The still. When I could go on a bike ride, and spend my day doing things for me, things that I want to do. I long for the old days when all I concerned myself with was who to hang out with, what party to go to. Days that weren't riddled with diapers and naps and nursing and tantrums. I imagine that someday many years from now when my children are grown and gone I will be able to have days like this again. And then I wonder, will I sit there alone with my cup of tea, and be happy?

I think I will probably spend those days wishing that those little smiling faces were still waking me early in the morning, crying for me when they are hurt, struggling to get away from me as I change their diapers, and making me laugh with all of the silly things they do. I realize that after years of yearning for that time to myself again, it is very likely that I will wake up in the morning, brew my cup of tea, and call my daughter on the phone to tell her I wish she was there. We always long for what isn't, and what will be, or what used to be. I wish it were easier to just cherish the now of things.